Jerkin' the gerkin

My little red-headed friend has been as happy as Larry since the most famous house husband in the land was caught availing himself of a ham shank at the public’s expense.

In fact, since it’s become known he banks with Barclays to a five-quid-a-night blue flicker, the idea of Mr Smith polishing the bishop has quite illuminated the household of the Communities Secretary.

We’ve been phoning all our political acquaintances just to make sure they’ve heard of Mr Smith’s five knuckle shuffle…even the blessed Gordon got an early morning call.

“Hello, Gordon? Have you heard? I know it’s terrible, isn’t it? Gordon, just to let you know that Michael would never do anything like that; our sex life is extremely fulfilling…No, I’m sure you don’t need to know that, but I think in these difficult times it’s better to be safe than sorry, don’t you think, Gordon…? Gordon…?”